Categories
poetry

Coney Island

Soft sand and bleak land

Is where I want to be

But seagull cries as someone dies

Often confused me

I’d stand there with my little love

Holding out hope that from the above

They’d get their heart and soul

And I’d collect mine back

From the same shadow that leaves a muddy track

On the steps of my front door

Forefront in my mind

Sometimes I’ll slow dance

If the music’s right

Flute plays on grey days

Without bright light

And he stands miles away

Minutes from my eyes

And watches the couple

As one cries

The other stands closer

Bare feet with rare pace

Soul and heart marked with empty grace

And in his face, I see a sorrow

One I’ll think about tomorrow

Because for now, I’m dancing

Two by two

Both of us without shoe

And the ocean’s blue

As I whisper a song into your ear

“I wish you were here”

***

The title, a reference to both a Death Cab for Cutie song and an obscure novel. The song in the poem, a reference to a Pink Floyd ditty. There’s a special place in my mind that holds this little fantasy, and sometimes it makes me smile to think that it may come to fruition, absent of the onlookers, of course. Who doesn’t love a good alternative rock reference?

Categories
poetry

I Never Loved You

I never loved you
I’m sorry I said otherwise
I’m sorry I entangled myself
In this bed of lies

I fell in love with your idea
With your kindness and fair gaze
What I didn’t love was how you didn’t respond
For days and days and days

When I dream of you, you were always warm
But in reality you’re very cold
You’re eyes looked so young in the mirror
But now you seem so old

Your ghost still lingers
In every word that I write
I fell in love with my muse
But my gut still twists at the sight

At night I shamed myself for loving you
I never knew why
But after I lost count
Of the times you made me cry
I forgot about your virtues
There wasn’t many to name
Tried to count your vices
That gave me a lot of pain

Every time you approach me
I want to shrink far away
Yet my heart starts to stutter
And spikes when you say, “hey”

When you say my name I flinch
The word seems like slander when you speak
I also hate how insecure I feel
How you make me become so weak

I never loved you
I hope you feel the same
So we can stop this torture
And put an end to our mind game

***

I wrote this poem a while ago and had the audacity to send it to the subject. It’s rather comical how dense people can be sometimes when it’s about them. This was a darker part of my short existence, and still tastes bitterly. However, doesn’t such strong emotion make for such good poetry?

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poetry

**

We existed in the space between asterisks

The breath in the crevice of a message

A smile at the fleeting thought

Our words poured from our mind and lips like water down a hillside

Pet name after nickname after game

And game of holding hands

And sharing kisses

And little embraces

All within the space of a couple of words

And two black stars

***

A love poem dedicated to the little goblin that inspires me. The reader can speculate if the goblin was borne out of fictitious desire or to portray who rests in my heart. Although it’s shorter, I couldn’t bear to add anything on to it. To write more would’ve desecrated its simple beauty. Enjoy the time with your loved ones, folks, even if it’s a hundred miles away and in between the space of messages.

Categories
poetry

Imagine

I imagine us on a Sunday

With nothing to do

I imagine us with our instruments

Playing a song or two

I imagine you dressing my wounds

While I steal your sweater

I imagine you kissing my knuckles

To make me feel better

I imagine driving downtown with you

Or to the big city, if you want

I imagine blasting the radio

To ignore society’s taunt

I imagine you wearing my jacket

As we pull up to the bookshop

As we sit and browse for hours

Neither of us can stop

I imagine a future with you

And I think it’s coming soon

I imagine laying with you on the hood of my car

Under a full, bright moon

I imagine you in my arms

Whispering how you’re here to stay

But for now, we can’t see each other

And you feel so far away

***

A poem written on a whim, yet the rhyme scheme was good enough to post. Recent events have put me far away from the rest of humanity, as I’m sure it’s done to almost everyone. While this is a love poem, an undercurrent of bitterness permeates the blissful and longing words. However, as with most my writings, it is merely a work of fiction.

Categories
poetry

Phantom Love

You are my Christine

And I’m your phantom ghoul

We had to change the story

Because it didn’t follow the rule

First off, I can’t sing

But your voice makes me want to fly

I don’t think in my secret home

We’d have to say goodbye

There’s no Raoul to keep us a part

But the rest of the opera still shuns our love

There’s no angel to help us out

I’ll admit I’m not from above

While my skin wasn’t scarred from birth

I still have ugliness inside

But your love helps me through the pain

I try so hard to hide

We have several Darogas

Who check up on us from time to time

And we’re dancing to the organ

When we here that welcome chime

We can still rule Paris

From our underground lake

But we’d still have to hide our love

Until we could escape

But once we’re across the ocean

There’s nowhere I’d rather be

Than at your side on Coney Island

And hear you’ll stay with me

***

A poem loosely based off the genius of Gaston Leroux and all his proteges. For years, I’ve loved Phantom of the Opera, a timeless classical romance and the gateway of modern mystery novels. When I was younger, as most little girls did, I thought of myself as Christine. However, as I grow older and converse with the person my heart begins to grow fond for, I find myself in more of the phantom’s position. I desperately hope that our ending isn’t parallel to poor, unhappy Erik’s demise.

Categories
poetry

Darling

I think I want to slow dance with you

Or hold your hand, as friends might do

And maybe wear your sweater too

Or you could try my jacket on

I didn’t realize that maybe it was you who made my heart feel light

Since you were always in sight

I find your words a delight

And it hurts to be away

I don’t know if you’d feel the same

I’ve been in the manipulation game

Too long to give name

To whatever feeling traps me

I know that society wants us to conform

Into neat little societal norms

But I think together we have the power to reform

Whatever rules might stand in our way

For now, I’ll just take your texts

Revel in the thought of what comes next

I would love to ask you to tea, then be direct

In the way I address you

So, I think I may want you at my side

I think I’m done trying to hide

But if you don’t agree, I’ll say I lied

And enjoy your presence all the same

***

After a few years of chasing people in a mad scramble of unrequited tragedy, and a few months of a thick, uncomfortable relationship, I believe I’ve finally found someone who lightens my heart and doesn’t weight it down with doubt and lingering fear. Maybe I’ve just fallen in love with the idea of worshiping another human being, but I believe this time, I’m willing to try. Try, my friends. It’s harder to find happiness with relationships when you spent months punishing not the other but yourself.

Categories
poetry

Lost Things

I lost my heart

Can you help me find it please?

It fell into my lap

And rolled down my knees

Bruising itself on the cold, hard ground

Still refusing to make a sound

I think your sneaker crushed it along the way

I almost lost my courage when I had to say,

“I don’t want this today”

This wasn’t the first thing to go

First my knowledge because I know

I shouldn’t be close to you

Yet it was still me you drew in

I never win

This game is akin

 To torture

My mind was scorched

“Her head was probably out of place”

Then I lost the smile on my face

As pills and medicines took up the space

On my bathroom shelf

Next to the girl who knew herself

Knew

I lost my dignity and my pride

I shrunk back and tried to hide

Lied and lied to those who cared

Told them I wasn’t broken but teared

Easily fixed with a piece of tape

Yet being broken wasn’t something I could escape

Especially when it was you creating the wall

I feel small

And can’t breathe at all

Maybe my breath was the last thing to stall

Or maybe it was my heart

Held in your hands

Until you crushed it

Into a million strands

Yet I still search for its gleaming light

Hoping that what I want is right

For me

Please see

I can’t be this anymore

I lost myself

Will you find her please?

She’s got her head on your knees

Begging for forgiveness to an invisible wrong

Just let her move along

***

The heart is a delicate and fickle thing. It has given me so much grief, yet I wouldn’t trade it for a billion others because of the passion it still holds for life. For a period of almost eight months, I found myself enamored with someone who didn’t have the capability of returning such sentiments. I recently moved on, yet I still keep a collection of poems that portray my feelings through that troubling time. Slowly, as time goes on and heals what never begun, I will send them out into the world, similar to how I threw my heart out into the open to see what would happen. Never mistake infatuation and an overactive imagination for love, my friends. It is the downfall of the romantic and the poison of the innocent.

Categories
poetry

The Sea

It wasn’t your smile that stole my heart

It was the way you swayed like a piece of art

Your stride was grace

I miss your pace

And the way I felt safe

And kept so much faith

In the way you climbed

The wind chime chimed

The hour struck nine

But we were fine

The cold never bothered me

Even though you were colder than you ought to be

I still share my secret laugh only with you

I still wish for your beautiful view

While my world is spinning

You kept me still

While I strove to be winning

You taught me to chill

No one makes me smile like you

No one’s taken my thoughts away

I no longer stew on my hypotheticals

But our time together seems theoretical

For me, it ways weeks

For you, it was short

I miss the seaweed

And driftwood fort

I miss your sound

And your sight

And your gaze

No one’s ever set my heart ablaze

In the way you did

I never hid anything from you

Never had guilt to chew

Just focused on your beauty

And a laugh that saw right through me

Even now, a hundred miles away

I still think of the day

Toes in the sand

Hand in hand

I want your presence to fill my room

I hope to see you again soon

***

When I was younger, I went to the ocean with my family. We stayed in a rental home and spent a week at the beach. While the sea herself was only 50 degrees and sometimes the air was colder than that, there is nothing I wouldn’t trade for a few moments in her company again. I can still feel the salty air and sand as I write. Although the time I had there is cherished, I look towards the future and try to focus on what’s ahead of me, not behind.